So today I had a long talk with an old friend about music and apparently where the hell I’ve been. I didn’t realize I had made such an impact with my social media, where as I saw it as a problem in my life. Deleting my Instagram account, Twitter, and Facebook, I had essentially fallen off the map to some people where that was their only means to contact me and keep in touch.
It became such a problem for me because where I wanted to excel, I felt stuck and hit a plateau, and instead of promoting and sharing art, I would catch myself worried about a girl a liked or comparing myself to others, rather than creating. It got so bad (in my head) that it really benefitted my overall health leaving those behind.
I started to go to therapy for numerous reasons, and I started trying to get my life in control.
Now that I feel in control, my creative juices have to come to a halt, and my overall attitude towards music and the industry have slowly dwindled to giving up on my dreams. I don’t want to give up, but I was and still am really struggling with finding my place in this scene. Been offered and then declined shows. Try to make meetings with people who seem legitimate about creating great music, who end up flaking or could give a shit. Struggles at work. Relationships vanishing. Motivation leaving me.
I’m not entirely unhappy, but I look back 6 months and I see myself a lot more optimistic and at least trying. Now I notice myself saying “I’m not good enough,” or “I don’t want to work with them, they don’t care” when these are obviously not the cases. I know it’s my attitude. I know I could try harder. But I’m really struggling to find any more meaning behind what I’m doing without showing anything for it. Still broke. Still owe friends money. Still unhappy.
So after talking with my friend, I realized I just need to pop this shit out. Get over myself. Have a good time, like I’ve always had and always will have. Inspire others. Share knowledge. Don’t be a negative snob. Be open to absolutely everything, even if it might be terrible. Share all this love I have. Be naughty. Be nasty. Be fun.
The music, people, and success will come…